… a chore. My life is. Last year I spent the majority of unemployed and it was glorious, except for the lack of money, I had enough time, mostly, to pursue all my goals. I published my first book, Life Of An Idiot, I wrote and had rejected, by the BBC, a TV script, I started and finished successfully my first I.T. course, which sets me up for my second, and becoming Microsoft Certified, I entered the (Inter)National Novel Writing Competition, and wrote more than fifty thousand words of my second book, I managed to watch in a calendar year four hundred movies, a feat I am proud of, and I also had time, being an unemployed bum, for all the good stuff, the geeky cool stuff, watching ace (American) TV shows, reading tons of comic books, socialising with friends, it was an ace year. This year, 2012, I had one goal, find gainful employment, which I did in the murmuring of the year, therefore I needed more goals, I had already decided to become Microsoft Certified in I.T. my course begins later in the year, August, and I had already decided to finish writing and editing my second book, but me being me I have gone too far, once again, too ambitious, I have pledged, to myself, that I will write two TV scripts in April, for the (Inter)National Script Writing Competition, I have two ideas in mind, good ones, well I think so, but I know nothing. I have also pledged, again only to myself, to write and illustrate before the end of this year a comic book series, it’s being written and illustrated slowly at the moment, my plan is to set up an online site and publish the installments of the comic book via the site, with commentary and criticism of both my poor writing and illustration, but life seems so much like a chore now, and I haven’t even started my Web Design Course yet, sigh!
Now with earning a wage I just don’t seem to have any time, cool geeky stuff is being neglected, or being crammed into a limited amount of hours, it took me four days to read last week’s comic books, I managed to watch the latest episode of The Walking Dead earlier, but I have been watching everything else on a Friday afternoon and Saturday morning, but some shows I’m behind on already, sigh! I have not yet managed to plough through all the books I have to read, sure I have read a lot this year so far but there’s so much more, it seems like an impossible task, I’m currently reading the book about Alex Toth, and boy is it good, though I only manage a chapter every night, added to this is the mountain of movies that are happily accumulating, I don’t have time to watch them, I really don’t, and then there’s my decision, on my fortieth birthday, to declare myself a Magickian and practice the occult arts, that’s going well, but again I can’t devote enough of my time to this pursuit, I’ll have more time when the book is finished and the TV scripts written, I am not replacing these finished goals with other goals, I want my life to be simple, easy and pleasant, not a chore.
I despair at real people, you know the ones, the normal folk, people who juggle a job, with family (children) a husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend, regular social events, holidays, mortgages and everything else I find alien, how do the norms cope? How do they manage? Why aren’t more people (norms) flipping out and wasting each other? It would make sense, gratuitous violence meted out by the norms on other norms, I’d find it perfectly reasonable, I couldn’t have that kind of life, now that really would be a chore, I remember, only vaguely, people from my now distant (or so it seems) past, folk I considered normal, they had relationships, children, mortgages, holidays abroad, motor vehicles, huge social events, dramas of an Eastenders nature, they were alien to me, I never understood any of them, mostly I just nodded and grinned, or frowned depending on their own expression, mostly I frowned for their words struck me as being of a tragic dramatic flavour, I don’t know people like them anymore, I don’t know them anymore, odd isn’t it how a life can change? How a person can suddenly no longer know people he, or she, knew for years, saw nearly every day. So many people I once knew are now vague faces in memory, their exploits fantastical, unbelievable, sometimes I think I imagined it all, especially the drunken nights out and about, friends long ago, now gone, forever, I sometimes hear friends I stay in touch with mention the odd person from my past every now and again, but it doesn’t really register, I feel like asking, ‘they really exist? Live? Breathe? Experience life?’ But I don’t, I figure that it doesn’t matter, I figure everyone leaves people behind as they move through time, and I figure most people are like me with terrible memories and these folk they have abandoned become forgotten, cease to be, I regularly discover someone staring at me as I wander through my home town, I’m never sure if it’s a face from my past or someone merely staring crazily at me, I tend to walk staring at my feet, with music numbing my audio receptacles from the noises around me, it serves me well, I don’t want to bump into faces from the past, or present, I’m happy being ignorant of the World around me, my mind is normally concerned with more interesting concepts, even when I’m wandering around and around a supermarket hopelessly lost, I’m thinking about Magick, or the nature of the Universe, or whether Peter Bishop will ever find his way home, or is he already home?
In one of my previous places of employ my main task was to press a button, the enter button on a keyboard, at times I wished it was the buttons of a keyboard inside an underground bunker on a mysterious island, but it wasn’t, unfortunately. I always had too much time on my hands way back when, but did nothing with it, I was never has busy as I am now, in retrospect it seems like such a waste of my time, I didn’t write or illustrate anything, in my spare time I watched DVDs mostly and that was about that, other than the occasional session of drunkenness, I should have made more of my spare time, had more motivation, more goals in mind, but I didn’t, such a shame. I think.
At least I don’t waste my spare time these days, in fact there’s not enough hours in a day to pursue my interests, even when I was an unemployed bum there wasn’t.
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, I don’t know why people bother, it’s a con, a marketing scam, it’s the silliest of celebrations, in my opinion, though I’d find it more interesting if it reverted to it’s origins, werewolves, human sacrifice and cannibalism, isn’t it odd how modern day festivals are really ancient pagan festivals and far more boring than the original? It's another example though, festivals, of the impact Magick has upon our lives, all our festivals are Magickal, everything from X Mas to Valentine's Day, you see how important Magick has been? Continues to be?
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